From the pit I cry. I pray to the God who hears intently every word I speak. It is one thing to have an understanding of the Lord but it is everything to know Him. I can tell you of stories where all I see is success and spiritual wealth but how could I begin to speak of any success without tell you what it really looks like. It is as if you tell the ending of the story and never mention the beginning. Your mind remains wondering how you got from point A to point B when all that is known is the story of point B. Our minds have a way of remembering the “right now” moments without being reminded of the “then” moment. We find ourselves saying I do not know how I made it to this point in my life but I did. It’s our minds way of trying to push aside any trauma or pain we endured to get to a place of success. I’ve seen the ending of the book and there is victory in Jesus. But I must say that if there is an ending then there has to be a beginning. A story that we all must tell. The world could not contain all the books of miracles that Jesus Himself performed because it is never ending. Each day is a page of a book that is told in the eyes of the writer. It is everything they have seen, experienced, or have imagined it to be like. Today I tell the story of me praying from a pit and the King did hear.
The book of Jeremiah has been the theme of my life for a couple years now. Jeremiah was a young man called by God to warn the people of an upcoming captivity if they did not listen to the voice of God. Jeremiah means whom Jehovah has appointed. God appointed Jeremiah in so much that He told Jeremiah that He created him to be a prophet to the nation’s and whatsoever God told Jeremiah to do, he did it. He was faithful in all his ways to the King of glory. He rooted out, and pulled down, destroyed, and overthrew all that God commanded him to do. He even planted and built all that God commanded.
Eight months ago I never did see a battle in this way but expected something had to come to get to get to another level of success. If there is a victorious ending there must be a hard battle in the beginning. I’ve always been told if you want success then you must work hard and endure till the very end. It says in Gods word those who endure till the very end, they will be saved. Its a promise made kept by God. There are things we must endure and push through if we don’t want defeat. I was never a person who wasn’t stubborn and if I wanted it enough I would fight to get that thing I wanted.
Things began to move in my life. Revivals started breaking out and people were getting saved by the number. 400 or more people recieved the gift of life in the matter of a couple months. Not because I did anything or the ministry I’m apart of did anything but because the favor of the Lord moved in towns and cities and churches. His hand is not shortened that He can not reach even the wickedest of peoole. He is God and nothing is too hard for Him to do. It seemed as if smooth sailing was ahead of me.
Then once again God spoke to me of a battle ahead of me. A battle that affected my health and at times my walk with God who is my Father and Creator. It affected my health, my husbands health, his families health, my families health, and if that wasn’t enough it would even cause death in the family. I sat in a church after a revival in VA saying Job was a perfect and upright man and Satan came and took away all that Job had and even messed with his health. Still Job proclaimed that God was blameless. Two days later my husband fell and had to have surgery on both his knees to reattach two major tendons that held the knee caps in place. Still God remained Blameless. Three days before the surgery his sister past away and I had to remind myself of part A and say God is still blameless. The day of his supposed surgery there was a call that said ” You may have a chance that your sister was a match for a kidney transplant.” The test results came back and they were not a match. Neither did he get a long awaited kidney transplant nor did he have his surgery that day. It was then I was angry. Not with the Lord because I knew He was still blameless. I was angry with Satan. The ride home was silent and tears streamed down my face. I felt defeated but God reminded me of what I had hours earlier. I will be content in whatever state of mind I am in. If it was a match I would praise my God and if not, then I will still praise my God because He is blameless. I declared that day I was coming after the kingdom of darkness to root out, overthrow, pull down, and destroy it for doing that very thing to my family. I declared war that day in my vehicle. The day of my sister in-laws funeral my mother in-law had emergency surgery. I found out my grandma’s cancer came back and my aunt was going into renal failure. All of this in a weeks time. A couple more weeks pass and my husbands Nanna falls off a ladder and breaks her back in several places and her pelvic bone as well. To finish off I must say a month before all of this I began having pain in the right side of my abdomen that is still undiagnosed. I could not work for two months due to the severity of this pain that still to this day troubles me 7 months later. I had to again remind myself daily that God was still blameless and Satan was having a hay day with my life.
My life was turned upside down and everything was taken away from me. Revivals went on that I could not attend. My husband could not walk for 4 months. I had no job for two months and I could barely take care of myself let alone my husband on top of it. I found myself in a pit. I felt numb and overwhelmed. I found myself running hard in the direction that I fought so hard to stay away from. It was as if I was in a coma. I keep a journal to write my feelings down when I can’t express them openly. I wrote as if I was writing to someone who could hear me in the moment. I said, ” want to know what is hard?” Seeing yourself slowly slip away though you try so hard to stay alive. You mourn your own spiritual death as you begin slipping into a spiritual coma. I hear your voice I feel the emotions. My eyes do weep but my body can not move. My eyes are closed and I try so hard to jolt myself out of this coma and somehow I just can’t. I even went on to say God why doesn’t my hands work? Not even a squeeze. Why doesn’t my legs or feet work? Not even a twitch. Why doesn’t my mouth speak? Not even a moan.
After all that I expressed, there was one thing through it all that I held onto. That was only God can awake me as a girl that just sleeps. Talitha Cumi, meaning damsel arise. I am a sleepy giant. I reminded myself of this often saying I am a volcano that is asleep but when I awake I will burst and nothing can stop it. That was my prayer from the pit. As Jeremiah was to the point of death and stuck in mud up to his waist with no way out, he did not give up. He kept the faith and remembered the promise God made him in chapter one of his life when God called him. God told him to not be afraid of their faces. For I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord. A familiar presence came to me in my living room. The presence of the Lord and I began to break. For months all I could feel was muck dirty mud that was pulling me deeper even waist deep. In that moment it was as if Jesus went before the King at all authority and spoke the same words Ebed-melech did. Saying, My Lord The King, these men have done evil towards Karlee the prophet and she will die right where she is because of the famine, for there is no bread in the city. It was as if the angels were the thirty men and the old dirty rags was the Spirit of the Lord who is my comforter, wrapped me up in His arms and pulled me out of the pit I was in.
Job saw God as blameless because he loved God. Jeremiah stayed content with whatever situation he was in because he loved the Lord and knew God does not take back His promises. Love covers a multitude of sins. When all was taken away from me, the one thing that couldn’t was love. Healing isn’t mine to gibe, knowledge isn’t mine to give, wisdom isn’t mine to give. They are all Gods to gibe. But what is mine to give is Love and no man or devil can take away what is mine. It is not theirs to take. Satan can fight to put a wall between me and God but still yet, when two people love each other, love always wins. It always finds a way around the wall or even out of the pit. This is point A to point B. A time of praying from the pit and being set free by The King of all authority.
